Master your emotions.

It has been said that it’s not what happens to us, but rather how we respond to what happens that determines the results we will experience in lives. As humans, our emotions form part of who we are, and we experience them coming and going throughout the day. We do not have a choice in the matter; they just show up whenever they wish. I think we can all agree that our emotions do influence our daily lives. When something annoying happens, we experience frustration and anger. When we are disappointed, we feel sadness.  Sometimes emotions are so powerful that they can thoroughly override our rational minds. I have learned though, that feelings have the potential to mess up situations. Therefore, it is best to manage them.

For instance, you should never make decisions based on emotions. Let me elaborate. A younger version of me allowed feelings to rule my life. I made some awful choices based on how I felt at the time. At some point, I realised that emotions are never constant. Today you may feel happy, and tomorrow you may feel sad.  So, you should never make decisions that may have a long-term impact on your life, based on how you feel at any given moment. Instead, make them based on your values and morals. You see when you stick to your inner compass of what is good and noble and right or wrong, making decisions is a whole lot easier, and it’s not as difficult when you know what your values are. Subsequently, you automatically take away the power of emotions to potentially ruin things.

Now, this does not mean that you will magically stop feeling. No, you will still have to deal with your emotions. It’s also good to have them since they are what make us human. To ignore them, would indicate that we could be unbalanced creatures. We do, however, get to choose whether they manage us or whether we manage them. This simply means that you need to consciously try to firstly bring your emotions under control when they are threatening to take over, and then to exercise your will over them. So, you choose to make decisions based on a cognitive process of your mind and not an emotional process of your heart.

“We are what we continually do…” – Aristotle

We’ve all heard that it’s best to first count to ten, before reacting, which admittedly does not always work for everyone. So how do you get your emotions under control? I think the key is that everything still depends on your state of mind. You need to decide to do so. This refers to that old saying, “Mind over matter” – or in this case mind over emotions. Perhaps you can try these alternative steps to assist you.

• Don’t make a mistake to react right away. You cannot always walk away, but you can always take a deep breath. So, just breathe first. Breathing exercises can go a long way to help you to calm down. It also gives your mind the time to fire some neurons and hopefully spark the thought that it’s best to zip it.
• Look beyond the situation at hand. See the bigger picture and how unhelpful an emotional outburst would be. Keep in mind that you’re not a toddler anymore so that a tantrum won’t do.
• Replace your thoughts. You do have the ability to choose what thoughts you allow into your mind. You can choose to ignore a negative thought and replace it with something positive.
• Have faith that things will work out. It’s essential that you convince yourself to remain positive. Tell yourself that nothing lasts forever and that includes the situation you find yourself in.
• Find a healthy outlet. When you get home, seek out the punching bag. Exercises in general work miracles for your psyche. Consider writing down what you feel and think in a journal. Meditation or music also helps. Do whatever works for you.
• Forgive whoever or whatever caused your emotional distress. To hold on to anger or pain will make you miserable. Don’t give people, situations or thoughts power over who you are. Just let it go.

These rational tips make a lot more sense to me than counting to ten, or one hundred for that matter. However, if counting works for you, then please do continue to use the method. In the end, the objective is to master your emotions and not let them control your life. Please also remember that it is a process and not a quick fix. You will have to try this hundred of times before things improve. Good luck!