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When the clock strikes 12:00 on New Year’s Eve and we pass into January, people all over the world jump onto the same bandwagon, convincing themselves that the beginning of a new year equates the beginning of a new life. A few months into the year brings the stark realization that this perception is flawed. Most people do not stick to the highly anticipated and pledged New Year’s resolutions, neither do problems miraculously disappear, or magical doors transport us into new lives. Admittedly, we can all agree that things just don’t instantly change as they did in known fairy-tales.  – With good reason of course, since we do live in the “real” world.

We cannot go back into the past and change our yesterdays, but we are keenly aware of the fact that we do have today’s and tomorrows to make different decisions and alter the outcome of similar situations in our lives. Have you ever considered that every day of your life is a new day with new opportunities and a clean slate? You can make Daily Resolutions, not just New Year Resolutions, and any day is suitable for making them. This mindset gives the realization that in the morning, life will grant another opportunity to start anew.

How exactly do we put this into practice?

For one, we need to stop punishing ourselves about missed opportunities or things that happened in the past. What’s done is done and cannot be undone. We need to regard every day as the beginning of a new, better and happier life. We ought to refocus our efforts on what can be done instead of wasting it on regrets. Every day we need to restate our goals and decisions for a new and prosperous life. It is imperative to remember that goals and objectives serve as catalysts for further growth. At the same time, remain open to new ideas and opportunities for ways to achieve the set goal. There is another vital factor that we need to add to our success mix. – The markers or guides. Once our goals are set, we need to call on our markers to guide us.

Now, what exactly are these markers?

Our purpose and our judgments of what is essential in life, directly influence our attitudes towards daily living. Thus, our values are our markers in life. When we speak of values, it refers to our principles or standards of behavior. Roy Disney said,  “It is easy to make decisions if you know you what your values are.” When we make use of them to help us get to our end destinations, we have already accomplished half of our goals. Values are things that we cultivate from within, and we live by these internal rules. So, our values are the invisible forces that direct us and help us in our personal lives. It is up to us to decide how often we adhere to their guidance.

It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are. – ROY DISNEY

Our values can be remedies to transform our own missed chances into realized dreams. For instance, to press the button of Dedication means that I must continuously influence my thinking.  An example of this will be: “I will not procrastinate. I will do this now, even though I don’t feel like it.” If I press on Integrity, I hold myself accountable to behave according to my set goal. And when I call on Faith, I have to go the extra mile to inspire myself and convince my feelings that I am more than what I think I am. I can tell myself every day that I am willing to succeed. The more you say it to yourself, the more profound your convictions will be.

We may wish there was some magic to carry out our decisions, promises and goals. We cannot close our eyes or wish upon a star for our new reality to materialize, but we can stifle regret, refocus and set goals, and follow our markers. With these powers, we are sure to change our lives and make them exciting, happy and fulfilling. Go ahead, jump right into it. Today is always the best time to start afresh.

As a young girl, I found a particular poem titled: Thinking, written by Walter D. Wintel, very inspiring and reflective. I still do. The essence of this poem is to express the power that our thoughts have over our lives.

Where the mind goes, the man follows.

Our daily lives consist out of choices, big and small, and each one of them slowly but undoubtedly shapes our futures. We make decisions based on the thoughts we occupy ourselves with; thus, our thoughts are the building blocks of our lives. Now choices, in general, can be very confusing at times… or at least, so we think. Have you noticed though that the confusion only lasts if a decision is not yet made? Once the decision is made, confusion disappears quite magically, because we do indeed follow our minds. Whether choices are difficult or not, the one thing we can say about any decision is that it always has some impact.

You cannot sow maize seeds and expect a harvest of potatoes.

You always reap what you sow, and this same concept applies to the human mind. Most of the time, we instinctively know if our thoughts are negative or positive. Any idea that relates to “I can’t”, or “it’s not possible”, is negative, while a view that creates the expectation and challenge to succeed is seen as positive. If we can recognize negative thinking though, shouldn’t we also be able to conclude that a negative input will most likely result in a negative output? Even if you are a positive person, entertaining negative thoughts have the potential to corrupt your bright soul, and when you succumb to negativity, so do your actions and outcomes.

Our thoughts hold power over us.

You cannot become a slave of any substance if you don’t make a conscious choice to engage in the frequent use of it. We choose to give things power over our lives, and that who holds power over us controls us. We’ve all heard people using the expression, “Come hell or high water, I will do this.” This statement indicates a deliberate choice, where thought has led to a considered application of one’s will, to achieve something. I think we can all agree that one cannot succeed in anything if a deliberate choice is not made to make it work. Not one of us can continue to blame our parents or our past for who we are today. The day that we’ve become adults was the day our parent’s choices became redundant and our own significant for our lives. The person you are today is the result of the decisions you made yesterday.

Whatever you choose to believe, is exactly what you will receive.

Choose today to think about what you are thinking. If you become aware that you are tipping the scale towards the negative, then change your thinking immediately. You do have the power to choose your thoughts. Keep on planting good seeds, and they will come up killing the bad weeds… And we all do have those bad weeds, inceasingly trying to choke the life out of us. Make a conscious decision to become an advocate of constructive thinking. Feed your mind with inspiring people, encouraging reading material and deliberate actions. Get rid of the negative, energy draining things in your life. Purposely ensure that your thoughts are optimistic, to build a progressive future. If you reflect on this, you would realise that we are indeed accountable for what we think, do and who we become.

Thinking

If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don’t,
If you like to win, but you think you can’t
It is almost certain you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost
For out of the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow’s will
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are
You’ve got to think high to rise; You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!

By Walter D. Wintel

It has been said that it’s not what happens to us, but rather how we respond to what happens that determines the results we will experience in lives. As humans, our emotions form part of who we are, and we experience them coming and going throughout the day. We do not have a choice in the matter; they just show up whenever they wish. I think we can all agree that our emotions do influence our daily lives. When something annoying happens, we experience frustration and anger. When we are disappointed, we feel sadness.  Sometimes emotions are so powerful that they can thoroughly override our rational minds. I have learned though, that feelings have the potential to mess up situations. Therefore, it is best to manage them.

For instance, you should never make decisions based on emotions. Let me elaborate. A younger version of me allowed feelings to rule my life. I made some awful choices based on how I felt at the time. At some point, I realised that emotions are never constant. Today you may feel happy, and tomorrow you may feel sad.  So, you should never make decisions that may have a long-term impact on your life, based on how you feel at any given moment. Instead, make them based on your values and morals. You see when you stick to your inner compass of what is good and noble and right or wrong, making decisions is a whole lot easier, and it’s not as difficult when you know what your values are. Subsequently, you automatically take away the power of emotions to potentially ruin things.

Now, this does not mean that you will magically stop feeling. No, you will still have to deal with your emotions. It’s also good to have them since they are what make us human. To ignore them, would indicate that we could be unbalanced creatures. We do, however, get to choose whether they manage us or whether we manage them. This simply means that you need to consciously try to firstly bring your emotions under control when they are threatening to take over, and then to exercise your will over them. So, you choose to make decisions based on a cognitive process of your mind and not an emotional process of your heart.

“We are what we continually do…” – Aristotle

We’ve all heard that it’s best to first count to ten, before reacting, which admittedly does not always work for everyone. So how do you get your emotions under control? I think the key is that everything still depends on your state of mind. You need to decide to do so. This refers to that old saying, “Mind over matter” – or in this case mind over emotions. Perhaps you can try these alternative steps to assist you.

• Don’t make a mistake to react right away. You cannot always walk away, but you can always take a deep breath. So, just breathe first. Breathing exercises can go a long way to help you to calm down. It also gives your mind the time to fire some neurons and hopefully spark the thought that it’s best to zip it.
• Look beyond the situation at hand. See the bigger picture and how unhelpful an emotional outburst would be. Keep in mind that you’re not a toddler anymore so that a tantrum won’t do.
• Replace your thoughts. You do have the ability to choose what thoughts you allow into your mind. You can choose to ignore a negative thought and replace it with something positive.
• Have faith that things will work out. It’s essential that you convince yourself to remain positive. Tell yourself that nothing lasts forever and that includes the situation you find yourself in.
• Find a healthy outlet. When you get home, seek out the punching bag. Exercises in general work miracles for your psyche. Consider writing down what you feel and think in a journal. Meditation or music also helps. Do whatever works for you.
• Forgive whoever or whatever caused your emotional distress. To hold on to anger or pain will make you miserable. Don’t give people, situations or thoughts power over who you are. Just let it go.

These rational tips make a lot more sense to me than counting to ten, or one hundred for that matter. However, if counting works for you, then please do continue to use the method. In the end, the objective is to master your emotions and not let them control your life. Please also remember that it is a process and not a quick fix. You will have to try this hundred of times before things improve. Good luck!